Grammar***
How
to
write,
like,
you
know,
sentences
and
things
- Don't
use
no
double
negatives.
- Don't
never
use
no
triple
negatives.
- No
sentence
fragments.
- Corollary:
Complete
sentences:
important.
- Stamp
out
and
eliminate
redundancy.
- Avoid
clichés
like
the
plague.
- All
generalizations
are
bad.
- Corollary:
All
statements
must
be
specific.
- Take
care
that
your
verb
and
subject
is
in
agreement.
- A
preposition
is
a
bad
thing
to
end
a
sentence
with.
- Anarchy
should
be
the
law.
- Corollary:
I
will
establish
democracy
by
dictatorial
decree.
- Everyone
should
be
a
nonconformist.
- People
who
insult
others
are
jerks.
- Always
be
sincere,
even
if
you
don't
mean
it.
- Death
to
intolerance.
- Down
with
categorical
imperatives.
- Avoid
those
run-on
sentences
that
just
go
on,
and
on,
and
on,
they
never
stop,
they
just
keep
rambling,
and
you
really
wish
the
person
would
just
shut
up,
but
no,
they
just
keep
going,
they're
worse
than
the
Energizer
Bunny,
they
babble
incessantly,
and
these
sentences,
they
just
never
stop,
they
go
on
forever
...
if
you
get
my
drift...
- Nobody
has
a
right
to
his
opinion.
- Never
contradict
yourself
always.
- Good
people
like
I
are
never
self-righteous.
- You
should
never
use
the
second
person.
- The
passive
voice
should
never
be
used.
- We
Scorpios
don't
believe
in
astrology.
- When
dangling,
watch
your
participles.
- Never
go
off
on
tangents,
which
are
lines
that
intersect
a
curve
at
only
one
point
and
were
discovered
by
Euclid,
who
lived
in
the
sixth
century,
which
was
an
era
dominated
by
the
Goths,
who
lived
in
what
we
now
know
as
Poland...
- Always
do
what
is
right,
even
if
it's
wrong.
- Excessive
use
of
exclamation
marks
can
be
disastrous!!!!!
- Remember
to
end
each
sentence
with
a
period
- Don't
use
commas,
which
aren't
necessary.
- Don't
use
question
marks
inappropriately?
- Don't
be
terse.
- Don't
obfuscate
your
theses
with
extraneous
verbiage.
- Never
use
that
totally
cool,
radically
groovy
out-of-date
slang.
- Stop
calling
me
immature
or
I'll
tell
on
you.
- Avoid
tumbling
off
the
cliff
of
triteness
into
the
black
abyss
of
overused
metaphors.
- Keep
your
ear
to
the
grindstone,
your
nose
to
the
ground,
take
the
bull
by
the
horns
of
a
dilemma,
and
stop
mixing
your
metaphors.
- We
will
fight
to
the
death
for
our
pacifist
aims.
- Avoid
those
abysmally
horrible,
outrageously
repellent
exaggerations.
- Avoid
any
awful
anachronistic
aggravating
antediluvian
alliterations.
- Proofread
carefully
to
see
if
you
any
words
out.
*** A
kindly
gentleman
by
the
name
of
Rob
Stephens
has
pointed
out
that
only
a
few
of
these
curiosities
are
actually
grammatical
errors.
Aaagh!
He's
correct,
of
course.
Much
smashing
of
the
head
against
walls.
But
now
I
can't
find
a
better
title.
Philology?
Nearer...
Suggestions
please
to
the
culprit.
And
the
next
page
features
Rob's
own
collection
of...
er...
well...
wossnames?
|
